08:10:34

It has been unusual for me to take cold showers in winters, until recently when I started to cold showers everyday, regardless of the condition of the weather or myself. Though I had to make an exception once or twice when my health got real bad, but I ensured compliance to this resolution this winter.

Today was just another morning, but not an ordinary one. I finally broke through the vicious cycle of not been able to get back to my routine. I woke up before 6, tried to make sense of the world around me because I realised I had only slept for 4 hours or something. Yesterday was a mess. However, before I slept I had told myself, that this morning will be a test of my will. Whether I am willing to take the necessary step. I reminded myself the same thing when I opened my eyes and fought the urge to just stick to procrastinating again. Live or die, discipline is key.

Every time I stepped into the cold shower, I would tell myself just exactly that. Discipline. No matter what happens, whatever may be the case, discipline is important. No pain. No weather. No matter. Today was no different. There was an objective at hand. Shower before the sun rises. I checked my phone for the sunrise time. 7:20. I had around 1.5 hours at hand to get everything done.

I threw away my quilt, forced myself to take the first step. Every inch of my body aching, not from exhaustion, but from the punishment I have been giving it since the last one week to get back in shape. I drank water. Didn’t bother for the temperature there. After I was done with the usual. I contemplated. With a single full sleeve t-shirt and track pants covering my body, can I go to the gym? Yes.

Mom said that I should wear something, it’s cold outside. Her concern was right, but I didn’t want to debate. I just told her that the gym is locked and it’s warm, she didn’t worry after that. I walked out of the door, with the wind shooting right through my clothes. Discipline. No pain. No weather.

I could feel my body going colder, been unable to stand or walk straight, but it was temporary. It was necessary. Once I was in the gym, the temperature did normalise a lot. Warmer than my home. So I figured, let’s crack a window.

I did what was necessary, 30 minutes of non-stop pushing my limits. These weren’t limits a few months ago, but the usual drill. Hitting the highest weights and highest possible reps, with the already aching body, I reminded myself just one thing. Discipline. No pain. No weather.

Once I was through, I looked at the time. 7:00. I had 20 minutes to cool down and get done with my objective. Dawn was breaking through the hills, I figured I will speed run the cool down. I put on “Against the Wind” by Bob Seger. A classic. Spent some time walking around, then locked the gym and went to give back the keys. I was indeed walking, if not running, against the wind. I changed my mind when I looked at the garden. I will stroll barefoot today. I always have when I am there in the garden. It will be a good start of the day too. I had no idea that the ground would be THAT cold. I could feel the meaning of hypothermia within 30 seconds. Though it was therapeutic. I walked back home, took the stairs as always. The wind was not a concern anymore. I entered when I realised that I forgot to switch off an alarm which had been going off for the last 10 mins. I looked at the time. 7:11.

I got ready for the shower, mom gave me the same instructions. Don’t shower with cold water. Heat up the water. I complied. I turned on the water heater. When she had left, I switched it off too. The water was hot enough. I turned the shower on. Hot water first. I let the initial cold water run out, till the steam started to show. Then I turned the cold water faucet. Technically, when the water first hit my body, it was hot. Within 5 seconds I was experiencing the same cold water with which I had washed my hands not so long ago. Discipline. No pain. No weather. I turned off the hot water faucet, its job was done. It was my first cold shower in winter, before the sunrise. I was hyperventilating as the cold water and the wind pierced through my bones. I stopped for a moment, had to apply some paste on my body. It was kind of customary because it is Makar Sakranti today. I could feel my body trying to get back to heating up. I turned the faucet on again.

Once I was convinced that I am clean, I wiped myself up, looked in the mirror and reminded myself again. It’s necessary. Discipline.

It reminded me of the words of Chanakya. A scholar can and shall never be happy. Looking at the way the world is right now, it would be a rather controversial statement, drawing a lot of criticism, but I realised what he meant. There are so many reason for a scholar, a student, to not chase happiness but knowledge only. How can the student be happy without knowing about the truth? How can the student be happy knowing the truth? How can the student be happy without learning what it means to be happy? It is not all sensory. It is much deeper, much more comprehensive.

After reviving that perspective, I got ready. Indeed, at this point, weather was no concern for my body. Barefoot, naked, in the open, it didn’t matter, because I have been through it all too many times. The sun was casting itself across the land now. It was time for me to connect with it too.

I had to offer the sun some water, and through the stream that flowed through, I was supposed to see it. I was told that I shall ask for forgiveness for my wrongs, ask for their favour, and feel gratitude. I did.

In that moment when I saw the sun, I realised the absolute truth. The reality of balance, life, death, the universe, everything made sense. It was peaceful. I was born into this world and I shall die one day too, just like everything else. Even the sun. Even the universe. I realised why God makes sense. The ultimate source of truth, knowledge and being. However, since I am only human, I asked for the most human things. After all, it’s necessary.

The good thing, that I took away from this whole experience was clarity. The journey of my life that I have embarked on, it’s not just for my own. It shall serve a greater purpose. I shall, just like the sun, keep shedding light on the darkness. Within me and beyond. With knowledge and with action.

The cold showers have changed me into something better. The clarity is unmatched. It gives me strength to not just do what’s necessary, but also do things objectively. There is nothing right without objectivity. No decision, no commitment, nothing can be right without it.

I shall continue this regimen, to push myself, to a point where punishment seems like breakfast. There is no discipline without punishment, either from within, or otherwise. There is no purpose, no excellence, without discipline and a life without purpose is not worth living, for it is mere existence.